Monday, January 23, 2006

Match Play strategies

When I was on the High School golf team, our coach always introduced us to ways to 'jar' our opponent. The classics were the dropping your club on the guys back-swing, timely coughs or sneezes, and others....the list goes on and on. I thought my coach was a genius.

That was until I met Buddy.

It was a late afternoon and I wanted to get in a round so I joined up with this fellow golfer, as he and I were the only ones around. We played the first 5 even par. We played with a good speed. It was quiet out, and I was enjoying the company (the little side-bet we had going helped as well). ;-)

That's when it happened.

Coming up the hill to the par 5 15th hole, we were dead-even at minus 5. I had just stoked a 3 wood within 5 feet for a possible eagle, his third shot landed in the bunker. As he landed 4 feet away for his possible bird, I surveyed me putt. As I was addressing the ball, I heard a pffffft...followed by a longer thffftttttpp. Shocked, I backed away to regroup. Buddy was on the side of the green looking timid. "Must've been that hot dog I had at the turn" he said sheepishly. I went back to addressing the ball, but my mind was on my flatulent partner.

You can guess what happened next.

Of course I pulled my putt, Buddy drained his bird...and we proceded to the next hole. On my next backswing, he let out another flatulent abomination that I think was heard by the group on the 5th tee. Well, let's just say that it went downhill for me after that. All I could think about was his gas. I promptly lost all the remaining holes to him.
After paying up, I sulked to the locker room.
I told my story to one of the attendants. "Looks like you got pilfered by Flatulent Buddy." He grinned.
He told me that Buddy was State Champion back in the day, and that he used all kinds of 'jarring' techniques to win match play tournaments. "As he grew older," the attendant went on, "he found it easier to just stick to one tried-and-true method....and that was flatulence."

So pack some beano. The next time your playing with a guy that orders a gastronomic sampling at the turn, you'll be prepared to face Flatulent Buddy.

Thanks for reading, keep it in the short grass,


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