Saturday, December 18, 2010

Don't ask don't tell...Country Club-style

LPGA: Psst...hey, what are you going to do Tiger? No wins this year, doesn't seem like you man.

Tiger: Uh, you're right. I don't want to go through another year like this one. I'm on the downside of my 30's, these new guys on Tour are eating my lunch. I don't feel like myself anymore.

LPGA: We can change that all for you Tiger. You've heard about our new bylaw?

Tiger: No, Brother...tell me more!

LPGA: Well, there was this chick..er..yeah...chick, that tried to sue us for being "male-born" after she changed her...um...profile...and now can compete with the likes of Michelle Wie now...it's all legal man!

Tiger: So...what are you saying?

LPGA: Change your profile dude! Look..no wins...getting old...Major run is in jeopardy...you need to resurrect your career man, what a way to do that than a little snip here, a couple bulges there...voila! You're a new ma...er..woman! You'd dust the field...collect a brand new mantle-full of trophies...I mean the sky is the limit over on our side!

Tiger: Well, my sponsors would have concerns...except EA...that would give their game-software engineers some new ideas...those guys in the back room love adding breasts...hmm..I think you're on to something! Where do I sign up?

LPGA: Meet me in Cabo in January...we got a doc down there that does this on the down-lo. By April...you'll be Miss Tigress Woods. I got a call out to Ms Burk, and she all but assures me she can get you into the Masters on a surgical exemption...so your new career will be ramped and ready to go.

HEY...HEY...what are you dudes discussing?

LPGA/Tiger: Oh, hey Phil...nothing, nothing at all...just, you know...talking.

Phil: I get it...don't ask, don't tell right?...hey LPGA, gotta sec?


Thanks for reading. Keep it in the short-grass,

JFB

2 comments:

old guy rambling said...

Thanks for the laugh. Fun Stuff.

Mike Leopold said...

Now that's funny. The long list of Tiger's girlfriends didn't seem to get in the way of his game, so swinging with his newly found breast implants shouldn't slow him down, either.