Have you ever heard that phrase? The first time for me was in high school. My buddy Frankie and I were on a double-date. He had met this girl in Stats 101 that he desperately wanted to take to the school sock-hop....deal was, she had to bring her sister.
That's where I came in...yeah, it was a blind date set-up.
That Monday, back at school, I heard two new phrases that would forever be used to bookend my awkward teenage social life: "You're a helluva wing man Johnnie." and: "Dude, that date you were with ...um...d'she get hit with the ugly stick?"
Fast-forward to 2007.
I just got my February Golfsmith catalog in the mail (that's right...I get it monthly...the more I buy, the more junk-mail they send me...whatta concept!). The front of the catalog says "THE MOMENT IS HERE".
I flip through the pages to find out where this moment is, and how come it's not here in these pages.
Then I read the small print: "the new technology you've been waiting for"
...wait...you don't mean...oh man, they do.
Taking notice, I open to the first page again. Immediately I'm assaulted by these two hulking club heads that resemble boxing gloves Wham! Wham!
Trembling now, I flip to the Hybrid section. My son says to me: "daddy, those look like the metal spoons I baked in the oven yesterday."
I said...yes, that's right son, clubmakers use the same process and charge hundreds of dollars for them....wait...you did what?!"
My son's eyes get big, and his jaw hits the floor. Clank!
Thinking this visual abuse is over, I turn the catalog over to the back cover...
Sorry...I had to run to the little boys room...okay...lemme look again...yunmfhgla!
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL CLEVELAND GOLF IS DOING, AND WHY GOLFSMITH IS SELLING THESE THINGS?!
The headliner for the "New This Season" iron is: "Maximum Forgiveness In A Hybrid Iron Set".
I think it should read: "We at Cleveland and Golfsmith are on our knees, begging for your maximum forgiveness for you having to look at our Hi-ghly Bore-ing irons, and expecting you to pay out the wazoo for them."
Callaway FT-i, Nike SQ SUMO2, Cleveland HiBore...I'll see you on the deep-deep-discount racks at Golfsmith...by the end of this year. Not even a Harry Potter spell can save these clubs from the hallows.
Yeah, I'll still be wandering the Golfsmith aisles, cause you see...I'm a helluva wing man...
...but these clubs they are trying to sell me have been hit with the ugly stick.
Thanks for reading. Keep it in the short-grass,