Sunday, May 27, 2007

Which one doesn't belong

My 4-year old and I play a mind-tease game that basically revolves around determining what objects on a given flash card don't belong. "Saxophone"...he'll say, when presented with choices including a boat and car. "You can't drive a saxophone silly" he'll say, as if I came up with this goofy combination. Eerily, I feel Rodney Dangerfield elbow me.

Now I have one for you:

Furyk, Sabbatini, and Langer.

Yes, these Tour players are all vying for the win at today's conclusion of the Colonial. But choose one: As if you need a hint: he belongs on the Senior Tour.

Okay, now that we're on the same page, I need to get some stuff off my chest about what he's doing to the game of golf.

First off...Langer is 50. Now I'm 45, and age discrimination is not pleasant...but dammit...that's why there is a Champions Tour, so geezers like him can shuffle on off to that gray-beard league with their belly-putters, dine with fine wines, park in the front for early-bird prime rib dinners, and cap it off with turn-down service at 7pm.
Another thing...check him for a steroid patch. He's got more aches-and-pains than a Bay-Area bridge, and he comes out of nowhere to contend? I don't buy it.

What drama is it if this guy comes back from the living dead and wins one "for the Gipper". NONE. And that's why it's bad for the Tour.

Okay, I feel better now. But I've just realized something. If you look at the others in the aforementioned group, it's harder to spot the odd-man -out.

Sabbatini (the winner) is the little guy with a big heart that no can see coming...but oh, they can hear!
He's gonna get a few chuckles when he puts on that plaid jacket ("hey...isn't that the Lucky Charm guy from the cereal box?").
Hey ' word for your first purchase after you get your paycheck: "lifts".

Finally, Furyk. The man with the homegrown swing. The perfect example of not fixing something if it ain't broke. The dolts at CBS put the swing cam on if they really know what's going on in there...I mean, his swing looks good...if I'm a bowler.

Now that I look at these three guys, the coming-of-age show "Freaks and Geeks" come to even though they are different, they all have one thing in common...

All these players get no respect...

...and somewhere Rodney is smiling.

Thanks for reading. Keep it in the short-grass,


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