This weekend, I'll have finished the most grueling job I've ever experienced...dealing with erratic emotions, temper-tantrums, and runny noses...and this job was only twice-a-week.
I was my 4-year old's soccer coach.
I admit, I had a great time coaching all these little brats...er...budding Beckham's, and I got something I'll cherish forever...
...I got a patch. It's not just a patch mind you, but a symbol that I was the coach-it was my-way-or-the highway. If one of those parents had a problem with me sitting little Jimmy in the second-half...tough..."read my chest-pocket chief"...my patch was my shield.
Ok, I'll confess. All the coaches got them for volunteering...they were part of the sacrifice for giving up a couple days a week to run around and look important to a 4-year old...the free shirt-with-patch made me sign up.
Gotcha...pretty sad. I should have held out for more, like the PGA Tour pros do.
In the September issue of Conde Nast Portfolio, beat writer Kevin Cook breaks down what it costs to put a patch on a pro golfer. It's pretty sick.
Let's say your Widget Tees Inc, and you want to put your patch on a top PGA pro for a year. Let's start with the hat: $75k and up...or you could put a patch on the back of the lid instead for half.
How about sleeves: $10k-$1M? Would you believe there is a premium on which arm! It's because of visibility. The left sleeve is more desirable because most Tour Pro's are right-handed...therefore their left arms are front-and-center to the TV camera.
The article goes on about every other location, and is an eye-opening read, like what it costs for the rear...and how Johnnie Walker got away with sewing it's brand on Jim Furyks' collar.
I wonder if the the Pro's keep a trophy display of their patches? "Hey Phil, be careful with that one...vintage Cracker Jack's hat...man, that was a bad PR move for me...every time I'd tee it up...some clown from the gallery would shout..."Hey sailor...going my way?"...I should have stayed with Foot Joy."
Oh, and what's the going price for the chest pocket? Starting at $25k.
...hmmm...well, I did get those yummy cookies at the end of every game.
Thanks for reading. Keep it in the short-grass,